People of Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart.

It’s dirty, it’s crowded, and I have to try to maneuver my cart around boxes that are left in the middle of aisles (Certainly this is a fire hazard, right?). It never fails that the strap in the cart is always broken and inevitably I end up with one that has wheels that clank loudly throughout the store as if announcing my arrival around every corner. Each time I leave, I feel like I need to go straight home to take a shower. Each time, I vow to never return.

And the people. There’s a reason there is an entire website dedicated to them. It never fails: If there is a crazy person in Wal-Mart, they will find me. Today was no exception.

I had to go pick up a prescription and return some items I have been putting off returning because: I hate Wal-Mart. While waiting in the Customer Service line of 20 people with only one employee working the register…

Woman Next to Me: “Are those your kids?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Woman: “All 3 of them?”

Me: “Uh huh.” (Oh Good, she can count…)

Woman: “See, those girls keep their bows in their hair!”, she tells her own daughter.

Me: “For now, anyway”  (Meanwhile, the line is barely moving)

Woman: “Her hair is really fine, so the bows don’t stay in too good. Oh damn, this rubber band just broke” (She proceeds to try to fix her hair in line).

Me: (Saying nothing at this point.. looking at my phone, talking to the kids)

Woman: “Tomorrow is the 9 year anniversary of my mother’s M-U-R-D-E-R…”

Me: “Oh gosh.. I’m so sorry to hear that” (meanwhile Kelsey has let out a HUGE gasp and her eyes are wide with horror)

Woman: “Oh, can she spell?”, pointing at Kelsey…

Me: “Yes, it’s okay though”, I say as I nod at Kelsey to assure her that is really is okay.

Woman: “Can she?”, pointing at Kirby (My 22 month old)

Me: “Uhm, no.”

Woman: “Oh. Well anyway, I haven’t showered in like a week, I’ve just been really worthless.

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry” (I think I might have even taken a few steps away from her at this point)

I really hate Wal-Mart. 

I eventually made it out of the line. Got what I needed to get, and waited another 20 minutes to check out in one of 6 lines out of 50 that were open this afternoon.

As I left Wal-Mart, I vowed to never return yet again. Yet somehow, I’m sure there will be a reason that I will be forced to walk through those automatic doors once again, to be greeted by a not-so-friendly greeter and welcomed into the madness once more.

I went straight home and took a shower. I hope that woman did too.

Mother, May I?

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Do you remember playing the game "Mother, May I?" when you were younger? One person would be the "mother", and he/she would bark orders to the other players. Before the player could follow that order, they must ask, "Mother, May I?", to which Mother would respond, "Yes, You may" or "No, You may not". 

I found myself in a rut the other day, envious of the freedom and flexibility that so many others have right now, or what they appear to have. I became overwhelmed with the thought that so many things were out of my control right now in my life and the reality of that burden weighed heavily on me both physically and emotionally. I am an adult though, right? An adult capable of making decisions and choices for myself, yet I feel as if I have to either do without or ask permission. Mother, May I?

At this point in my life, I live on a schedule dictated by children, and (long) gone are the days where my schedule determined the activities of my day. Want to make a phone call? Better wait until Kirby is napping or quietly focused on an activity. Need to go to the grocery store? Forget that, just order them online and pick them up later. Want something from the mall? HA! Next? Need to use the restroom? Can't. The baby is asleep in my lap and if I move he will wake up and then I'm back to square one again. Shower today? Hopefully I can sneak one in when the husband gets home from work later this evening and before bath times and feedings start again. Everything seems out of my control. Mother, May I?

I shared some of my frustrations with a friend the other afternoon post-my-sorta-breakdown. I admired her ability to take time for herself: to work out, to vacation, to breathe. And she reminded me that I am currently recovering from delivery, raising a newborn, toddler, and 6 year old, and that it will get easier to find the time I am so craving for me. I simply have to ask for that time, or if that is not possible right now, continue creating space for that time so that eventually it will be there for me. When I am ready. When it is right. 

For someone who is so used to being in control and commanding my immediate environment (Hey, teaching middle school is quite the challenge, am I right?), allowing myself to be vulnerable and submitting to the lack of control that I feel at this time is very difficult. And the reality is, it is going to be a while before I am back in charge of everything and I feel that sense of relief and calm. Until then, I need to take control over what I can and accept that it is enough. After all, I am the mother, and the only person I need to ask permission to do things for myself is myself. Kristin, May I?

Yes, You May. 

In a Haze

Seriously, I'm walking around in a haze these days. Life with a newborn, a toddler, and a very active 6 year old has me spinning and no end is in sight. At times I feel like breaking down in tears and feeling sorry for myself. And then, I had a reality check.

I read a fantastic blog post last night that totally jerked my fuzzy sleep deprived self out of the clouds and reminded me of the need to be totally and completely present in the now, if I can. The mommy blogger wrote a letter to herself 20 years from now looking back on her life once her children are grown. And she reminded us that all the things we are going through are simply phases that will end and new phases will begin.

And I realized just how right she was. I won't be a walking zombie forever. Eventually, I'll be that mom waiting up late at night for my teenagers to return home from wherever they've galavanted off to for the evening, hoping and praying they make it back to me safely.

I won't always be stepping over legos and blocks on my floor and wiping crumbs off of my coffee table. I won't always be nursing my newborn around the clock. In fact, there will come a time where my house is spotless and I have no one to cook for, and I will be wishing that my kids were here to make that mess again, wishing I had someone to spend my time caring for.  And wow, does this reality make me sad.

I won't lie: I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. But, I am totally and completely overwhelmed and blessed with the love I feel for my children. And while I am tired and struggling to keep my eyes open at times, I am also struggling not to miss out on these precious moments with my little ones. So maybe I can let the toys linger on the living room floor, because who else is going to see them but us? Who cares if there is a sticky residue covering my table after a meal; precious little fingers enjoyed a snack and left the evidence for all to see!

I just need to focus on letting my kids be my kids, appreciate them and practice patience as much as I can. I need to recognize that this too shall pass, and too soon I will be desperately trying to press rewind in order to hold on to as much of their childhood as I possibly can.

I have three beautiful children with a lifetime of possibilities ahead of them. Damn, I'm lucky.

"I was always trying to find the balance between trying my best and being an incredible parent. I literally realized that it was chaos - but it was happy chaos." -Soleil Moon Frye

Letting Go

The title of my blog is "Controlled Chaos".  I accept the fact that chaos is a part of life, but that doesn't mean that I can easily give up my need to control what I can. That leads me to today. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my little man, though I am extremely ready for him to come, apparently is not ready to meet us yet.

Oh, I've tried all the tricks to bring on labor--walking, spicy foods, fresh pineapple, exercise, bouncing on the trampoline, and a few other highly recommended "remedies" I won't mention--and yet, no baby. I'm having to basically accept the fact that I cannot control the arrival date of my little guy. I. am. not. in. control. here. There, I said it.

So instead of fretting over the fact that he isn't coming on my timeline, I suppose I will just sit back and enjoy the time I have left being pregnant, because this is absolutely the last time I will ever be. This is the last time I will feel this life move inside of me. The last time I will share these intimate moments with my baby, without having to share him with others. Precious and special moments preparing me for the time when I can meet this little soul face to face, though he and I already know each other so well.

"There are some things I can't control, and that's just the way it is". - Susane Colasanti, Waiting For You


Sigh. Ain't that the truth.

Weekly Inspiration

Creating a Daily Schedule: Tips for Any Mommy

Being a stay at home mom is new for me.  I also am juggling the responsibilities of working from home for a small publishing company, while taking care of my 16 month old, managing the household, chauffeuring my 1^st grader to and from school and activities, and being pregnant with baby (surprise) #3.

There are days that I look around my house and think, “What in the world did I even do today?”. Some days are busier than others. There are moments that I feel like I am running around with my head cut off, and then other days where I find myself looking for things to do to fill the excess time. 

But I’m not complaining. I have always wanted this life. I have dreamed about the chance to be a FULL TIME mom to my girls, a FULL TIME wife to my husband, and feel blessed to be able to enjoy a career on top of it, all from the comfort of my own home!

It has come to the point where I need to create a daily schedule for myself. And for the most part, the schedule has created itself along the way, but I need to be sure to write in some more time for those things I want to be doing as well as need to be doing.

Tips to Remember:

1. Easiest things to add to the schedule: The kids’ wake up times and bedtimes!
2. Schedule your meals! And with little ones, this is pretty easy to do. Around here, if we are running late for dinner, our little one quickly lets us know we have missed our time!
3. Break up chores: It is not necessary to clean everything every day, or to do everything in one day.
4. Schedule YOU time! While it is important to organize activities and “To Do’s”, it is also important to remember to schedule time for JUST YOU, time where you exercise, take a deep breath, and even time where you can simply do nothing, and not feel guilty. 
5. Don’t be too hard on yourself if something on your schedule goes undone. It will happen eventually. The goal of having a schedule is to give you some peace of mind, and then allow yourself the flexibility to reschedule as necessary. And any mom will appreciate this advice!

Pinterest Inspiration

So I'm totally obsessed with Pinterest these days. It has helped to clean up all the bookmarks that I used to put on my computer to keep track of the blogs and ideas I loved and just HAD to put to use sometime soon. And better yet, I get to share my favorites and see what my friends like as well.  Have you tried it yet? Need an invite? Let me know :)

A few years ago, I was searching for bed/playhouse options for our then almost 4 year old daughter. We lived in a townhouse at the time and had a very small yard (well.. we had NO yard to be exact), so an outdoor play area was not an option.

During my search I came across this loft bed playhouse combo from Pottery Barn. Adorable right? But the price tag was not! I think it was somewhere around $1300 at the time.

Now, my dad is super handy. Builds most things from scratch. So I sent him the picture for inspiration and asked if he was up to the challenge for his then ONLY grandchild and love of his life. He decided to take on the project as his Christmas gift to her. Yes, please :)

He and I worked together for my list of must haves: Had to fit the dimensions of her bedroom. Needed to be easy to put together and take apart. I wanted a window box for flowers. And besides that, I left it up to him.

My dad tends to overbuild. He thought it out. Planned out the dimensions. And built the bed in his workshop in Florida, TRANSPORTED the bed to our home in South Carolina, where we disassembled and then reassembled it. It was a process, but it turned out phenomenal. The best part? He says he has around $300 total in the bed. Yep! That's it!  

Here's the bed in process:

Dad built the frame, and the base of the bed: The actual playhouse. He added a few extra windows and painted it white. So cute, right?

To say this bed was handcrafted with love is an understatement. He built the ladder by hand. He owns a blind/shutter business so the railing on top of the bed are actually shutter frames that he filled with lattice.

My stepmom helped as well. The pink wall on the back of the playhouse is chalkboard paint. My daughter loved it. And my dad actually sewed the little curtains for the windows inside.

And this was the finished product. Adorable! My daughter loved it, and is now 6 1/2 years old and still using it. We have moved TWICE since the bed was put together and it was so well made that it has survived the moves and we plan to give the bed to our youngest daughter when she is old enough and our oldest is ready for a different bed. And then when our soon to be born little boy is ready, we will adapt the bed and make it a bit more "boyish" for him.

I keep telling Dad we need to draw up the plans for this bed and sell them! It's a work of art, and is really an inexpensive way to get an awesome bed for your little one. We could use the proceeds to put towards the kids' college funds :)

I plan to link this to Pinterest and share my Dad's work of art with everyone. Seriously, this was one of the best gifts we have ever received. And the joy it brings our girls is incredible!

The Westberg Life: Reinvention and Restructuring

"I am still making order out of chaos by reinvention."--John Le Carre


Ahh, the chaos of life. We have been in Nashville now for about 6 months, and this time has been one of restructuring, reorganization, and in many ways reinvention. A redefining, if you will, of who we all are and, for Joey and I in particular, our roles in this family.


Because of his job, I've had the opportunity to be at home with Kirby and Kelsey-- something I have always dreamed about doing but was never a reality for us.  I'm able to be that stay-at-home mom that takes her daughter to school, can attend functions during the day, and picks her up at 3pm sharp. Meanwhile, I get to be home with Kirby during the day, spending time with just her playing games and loving on that sweet little one. Something I had to give up when I was required to work outside of the home.


Is this "career oriented woman" bored out of her mind? Not at all.  I was fortunate to have a part-time side job turn into a full time opportunity to work from home. I am challenged daily and inspired by the work I get to do as an editor and writer and well, a multi-tasker for the small publishing company I've been with for a year and a half now. I get to have that career and be the mom I want to be. I'm incredibly blessed and at this point, I can't imagine changing my routine any time soon. I just don't want to give it up.


Not that it would be practical at this point. Because chaos presented its lovely head again in the Westberg family in October when Joey and I found out that we are expecting a surprise: A baby that will be joining our family in the beginning of June... and a baby BOY at that. We are thrilled (still a bit shocked!) but are ready for the reinvention of the Westberg family that this new little one will bring to the table. The two youngest will be 20 months apart, so needless to say I'm going to be  busy. But.... blessed.


So meet the newest addition to the chaos that is the Westberg Family: Our little boy, Grice Patrick.